Check In With Your Partner

When was the last time you checked in with your partner? I am not speaking of the call or text you send when they are not in your presence. Or the daily conversations you both generally have. I am referring to the uninterrupted, one on one check in you have that serves as a status update for where you stand in your relationship.

Surprisingly, many couples do not have a reoccurring time set aside for a check in with one another. Donald and I began checking in once a month post birth of our son Hunter. Our “norm” changed drastically thus we felt disconnected as a unit. Setting a monthly check-in enabled us to get back on track. Below are a few reasons we check in with one another:

Alignment

In order to align, you must understand the current state of your relationship. In turn, you will know what work needs to be done. We all know that people change; our wants, needs, goals, vision etc. fluctuates. At what point do you discuss these changes with your partner? We are so busy performing our day to day tasks that we do not always make time to ask are we on the same page? Do you have the same wants for your children? Are your career goals still the same? What about your personal needs; spiritual, mental, emotional, are they being met?

Ask yourself, are we growing together or apart in these areas? Misalignment can cause unhappiness in your relationship. Thinking about these matters on a frequent basis permits the relationship to grow as one versus the two of you outgrowing one another.

Communication

Falling in love is easy; however, staying in love requires work. Effective and honest communication can enhance vulnerability in your relationship. We must be vulnerable with one another in order to truly share what works and what doesn’t work. When expectations are clear, you can identify the gaps in your relationship. These gaps must be addressed or you’ll find yourself frustrated at any and everything your partner does. What does effective communication look like in your relationship? For Donald and I, it is about understanding one another’s communication style. I am very direct; I do not care for small talk (unless warranted). However, Donald enjoys story telling. Knowing this enables me to check myself when I begin rushing him through a point he is trying to make.

Self-Assessment

I found that the best question you can ask your significant other is what can I improve on to enhance our relationship? Asking this question does two things:

  • Demonstrate that you are willing to adjust your behavior to improve your relationship.
  • Hold each other accountable; when you know what you need to work on, you both can call each other out.

In order to be successful in this process, you must be willing to do the following:

  • Listen – What are you hearing your partner say? The best thing to do is to repeat it back to ensure you heard them correctly.
  • Understand – After listening to the changes that need to occur, ask why these changes need to be made.
  • Accept – In understanding why those changes need to take place, accept the feedback and decide whether or not you are going to execute..
  • Support – To be successful, I encourage you to support one another in your journey of growth. The lack of support will not go unnoticed and will cause your partner to shut down.

After reading this post, I am hoping that you found the benefit of checking in with your partner. Let me know your experience after trying it out. Here, we only accept the truth, so make sure you share the good, bad and the ugly with me!

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